The last week has been an emotional roller coaster. I suddenly found myself diving into the deep, dark pool that is single motherhood. Things were said that cannot be taken back. Trust was broken and is yet to be restored. I caught myself thinking This is not fixable. Because the honest truth is this: I didn't want to fix it. I'd had enough. My life spun into a hurricane of hurt feelings and public humiliation- neither of which I was willing to forgive at any given time. We both needed to place the blame for our failed relationship. I was suffocating. I wanted a warm bed to myself, without expectation or the cold shoulder. I wanted to recuperate. I needed to buy myself flowers and sleep with a hot rice pack against my chest- like nursing a sports injury. Somewhere in the middle of this relationship, I had lost myself. I was digging frantically at what was left over; searching for some hint that I was still there somewhere. It's ugly. This is personal information, the type that many may not post on their blog for the world to see. But if I sat down tonight and wrote a blog cheerfully exclaiming Hey everyone! Everything is beautiful and we had ice cream for dinner! I would be lying to you all. And lying, I've come to learn through all of this, is never the solution. It is not a go-to method of coping. I'd like to say the issue is completely resolved but unfortunately that would be a lie itself. At the moment, we are communicating. We've said our apologies. We've each picked something we're going to work on within ourselves- because God knows we aren't nearly perfect.
Only Time Will Tell.

***

Everything is beautiful.
And we had ice cream for dinner.

I'm the type of mom who strips Kade down if we're eating something messy for dinner. I often cringe when he dribbles something gooey onto his fingers are proceeds to rub it in his hair. I'm the type of mom who carries Wet Ones everywhere we go because sticky fingers are a No-No on a silk tank top. This is ridiculous. Kids are supposed to get messy- its how they learn. Ice cream is cold. When it dries, its sticky. It turns your tongue colors. And when you put it in mommy's hair, its funny.

I have a niece now. Her name is Emberlynn Melodie; She was born on August 21st 2011 at 11:46 pm. She took 21 hours to get here, four days past her due date. But she is well worth the wait.

Everything else is as it should be.
School has started- another sign we can't ignore that summer is dwindling.

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Happy Tuesday.