I suppose you could accurately determine that we're in a funk. A big one. While we made it to church this morning, it was only after driving away while my phone sat vulnerable on top of the car. Kade plainly refused a nap. He sat in his dim room babbling and after an hour I gave in. We made it to Sunday dinner- an evening filled with temper tantrums and an unusually clingy baby. I was becoming increasingly agitated, wringing my hands and ducking out of my grandmas house earlier than usual.
I start work tomorrow. That means we have a new rhythm to fall into- of early rising and babysitters and (hopefully) a schedule. We (Kade and I) thrive on a schedule, something to rely on, a slow and steady pace of familiarity with bonuses thrown in; trips to the library, tap dancing through the grocery store (more on that to come), and jumping on the bed every great once in a while when we're feeling really dangerous.
After our long and frustrating day, I buckled Kade into the car and contemplated on my next move. I had errands to run- to fill my gas tank to save time before work tomorrow and go to the grocery store so I'd have coffee for my six a.m. wake up call. Kade was already crying but I determined to make the best of it- if necessary, I could quickly grab the coffee and get the heck outta dodge, waiting until tomorrow afternoon to make other purchases. I hesitantly pulled up to the gas pump and climbed out of the car, slid my card and began filling my tank. Kade immediately started flailing. I quickly put my mouth close to the glass of the window and blew my warm breath against it. I drew a smiley face, and received a smile in return. I wiped it away and continued making shapes in the glass. Finally, after shaking my head at the astonishing amount of cash it required to fill my tank, we drove to the grocery store. I felt lifted- accomplished. But I was still hesitant. Anyone who has or has had a toddler knows how quickly things can go from elevated to catastrophic.
The grocery store- I moved fast, happily chiming in to Kade everything on our list, letting him hold the items and toss them behind him into the basket. I bolted down the aisles, "tap dancing" and exclaiming Kade! Lookit! Progresso is on sale today! Woohoo! I was acting seriously over the top. But there was no shame, I smiled all the way and thought, My baby is so dang happy right now. And you know what? me too. Just as I was noting my sudden complete absence of insecurity, Kade let out a squeal, a celebration.
What have I been so afraid of? Things took a turn swiftly- it seemed in one infinite, fleeting moment in a Walmart I came to a fantastic realization: I am loved. I can dance in grocery store aisles, sing "Teddy Bear Picnic" not-so-quietly into my pillsbury cinnamon roll microphone and crank up Jewels Merry Go Round Childrens CD in my car like it's no body's business. I can, I can, I can. And I can feel dang good about it, maynard.
There are so many things to celebrate- dear friends moving home, a new job, Faith.. so many things to raise a toast to. In my case, this weekend prompted a huge chocolate pudding toast.
A toast to birthdays
A toast to $8 jeans that make me feel fabulous.
A toast to this game- seriously I can't say it enough I love this game.
A toast to library books- to all books and their warm characters.
A toast to growth- new teeth and new jammies mean a bigger Kade. A healthy, strong Kade.
As of this afternoon Kade has twelve teeth.. Possibly two more by tomorrow morning.
And a toast specially for getting us out of this funk- a new routine that will hopefully chase away the I wish I had's and fill us to the bring with I'm glad we did's.
What are you celebrating today?