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Monday, November 7, 2011

Praise and Thanks

A few nights ago, my little family sat in a booth at Daddy's work and gorged ourselves on chicken nuggets, soggy french fries and the calmness of a cold night spent in a warm place. It's always interesting to people watch at a fast food joint, and right in the middle of the dinner rush, there was a hustle and bustle of families with their kids fighting over kids meal toys and standing up in their seats. The parents were frazzled, mostly with looks of I should have just cooked tonight.. on their faces as yet another kiddy sized milk spills across the table. This is typical. But there was one boy in particular who caught my eye. This boy was probably in fourth grade. He was surrounded by five siblings, the only one sitting quiet, his eyes inverted, concentrating hard on peeling the breading from his nuggets. When there was just a moment of quiet amongst the table, he shouted, "Dad! I have all A's in my science class!" I had to smile for him. The excitement on his face was contagious. The father, however, replied with this: "Oh, yeah? And what about all your other classes?" And the boy was dismissed, the conversation picking up where it left off; something about Spy Gear (If you have boys around age 10, you probably know all about aforementioned spy gear). As the boy sank lower and lower into his seat, my heart sank lower and lower in my chest. Should he not be praised? Do his poor grades in some subjects automatically dismiss his obvious triumph over another? I was frustrated for him, wishing to give him a high five and a hug and take him out for ice cream. All A's in Science. I looked over at the boy a few short moments later and noted the way he squinted his eyes, focusing all of his attention on one thing: Lining his french fries up in order from tallest to shortest on a yellow napkin, making certain the bottoms all lined up perfectly to the bottom. I thought of my brother, diagnosed with Aspergers the beginning of this year. When a young person has Aspergers, they often don't understand the written language. Maybe this boys science grade was so fantastic because he understood science. It's all facts; everything has an explanation. Maybe, his other grades were falling because he doesn't have the ability to understand them. Maybe, like Bracn, his brain simply doesn't function that way. This made my heart hurt more, thinking of how confused and saddened he must be by his Dad's quick disapproval. I turned to him, and whispered over my shoulder "All A's in science? That's amazing. I never could get the hang of science." And I winked at him. Perhaps this was out of line. It made it pretty obvious that I had been eavesdropping and after I turned back towards my own food, my own table, my own life, I could feel the father's eyes boring into the back of my skull. But the smile on that little boys face, the way he attempted to wink back, never quite making eye contact, made it all worth while.

I went home with a new outlook- I've always thought Praise was important, but I never thought about the damage the lack of praise could have on a person.

It's important to praise your children, even for the little things. Because to them, those little things are big things.

We need to not only praise our kids, but teach them praise as well. Praise for their siblings, their teachers, their peers. Mrs.Smith, you know just the way to explain math in a way I can easily understand. Thank you. 


Baby Cakes, have I told you lately how much I love that you finish your breakfast? You eat every thing on your plate and give me a giant "Thank You Mama" smile afterwards. It melts me.

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I love how determined you are to help Mommy out around the house. You know how to fold laundry like a pro, and organize the dishwasher just right.

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And in the bath? You're so good at washing your face and helping Mommy rub the soap into your hair. 

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You're an amazing artist.
You're a fantastic dancer.
You're the worlds best story teller.
You're my favorite cuddle buddy.
You're a pro at helping mommy put toys back in the basket.
Your hugs and kisses are top notch.
You're simply outstanding.

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.

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3 comments:

  1. Thank you for being my daughter Jess ~ and Thank you for letting others see through your eyes in your writting

    ReplyDelete

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