Nostalgia

A cold front is lurking. Witchstock, Blueberry Muffins, Moose Slippers and warm Elmo Jammies have been subtle reminders that not only has fall sneaked in the back door but winter is on its way- right around the corner.

This time of year leaves me nostalgic, yearning for warm and quiet darkness. If I didn't have responsibilities, you might find me in my bed huddled under a chenille blanket and going on my 16th hour of sleep. I'm talking about the kind of sleep that I experienced in high school; the type that drifts in and out, leaving you struggling to differentiate reality from dream and day from night. This time of year also reminds me of the smell of a laundry mat. The warm cotton smell that lingered in my nostrils as I sipped coffee and read Young Frankenstein in the corner of the 24 Hour Wash; being eaten alive by mosquito's. A friend and I used to huddle in the corner with our knees pulled up close to our chests, comparing itchy bites and making up life stories for the people we saw there. See that girl? he would whisper, and go on about her life as an orphan, a doctor, an anthropologist. Another friend would join us, throwing down her bag and slumping into the booth across from us, rolling her eyes; That dryer seriously takes forever.  These are blurry memories. I see them more as a movie than as if I were actually there. I see myself rubbing my eyes, twisting my hands together, trying to bring warmth to the pale and shaking fingers that I hardly recognized anymore. I see myself take a long slurping sip from my coffee, burning the taste buds from my tongue; the scratchy feeling that stayed in my mouth for hours later.

These memories are sad and sodden in carelessness.
It's time to replace those memories with new ones- happy, warm and golden memories.


For example:

 

 Kade has grown quite fond of his cousin. He's just fascinated with her. 

 

***

WitchStock in Ogden: lots of women dancing around historic 25th street, peeking into bars and cackling to their hearts content.This is our time to be silly, to get together as Grandma, Mom, Daughter, Sister and Friend. To laugh, to catch up, to tease, to tell stories... something I look forward to all year.

Grandma always has the best "scary green witch" costume. And her cackle? Top Notch. 

***

Make yourself a big ol' list of memories; the good kind.

Preventable vs Inevitable

Today, I felt a familiar stir in the pit of my stomach.. the fear of "I wish I had" loomed just over my head and left me feeling inept and weary. I wish I had gone to the prayer service tonight, our pastor posted a picture of many empty seats and it left my heart aching a little. I wish I had sat with Kade during breakfast instead of trying to get some dishes done and talking to him over my shoulder. I wish I had taken him to the library today like I told him I would- regardless of whether he understood what I was telling him or not. I don't want to send Kade off to college with a heavy heart full of "I wish I had." Now, I wish I hadn't is inevitable. But the former is preventable. Today, we chased away the demon of I wish I had taken Kade to the fire station. And Saturday? I wish I had taken Kade to the pumpkin patch was snuffed out. I want Kade to play sports, to play musical instruments, to stay up late to watch fireworks, to take such long bubble baths that his toes get pruned like raisins and then? Warm up the water and let him have at it, again. I want him to bang pots and pans on new years, taste great grandpas "stinky cheese" on Christmas and follow powder sugar footprints across the driveway on Easter morning. Childhood should be whimsical, free and sometimes messy. It's important to sometimes forgo the bath and put your baby in bed with a belly full of pumpkin bread and paint in his hair; happy, full and snuggled with a sock monkey. The sometimes is also important. I love the routine we've fallen into: pancakes breakfasts, afternoon walks, bedtime baths, cuddle puddles and story time. I love the smell of our house around eight pm: no more tangles, warm bath water and humidifier oils. While these are beautiful rituals that I hope Kade will cherish forever, I hope he remembers the days we strayed from the track. The day we stayed up until ten pm making cupcakes and doing laundry, the way I let him help me fold my jeans even though I cringed; knowing he must still have orange frosting on him somewhere. I don't want him to grow up and tell me Mom, I wish we had... 

It may happen anyway, but you can bet your bottom nickle I'm going to fight it. I can't stress enough the importance of being a Child. Childhood does not mean hours on end spent in front of a television. It means building forts and escaping to the far off land of Gooberdale. It means playing dress up, having tea parties with finger puppets, digging for hidden "treasure" along the river bank and marching around Target wearing a newspaper hat and mismatched socks. Once childhood is gone, you don't get it back. And while it's important to teach life lessons, and manners Mr.Fox, it was such a pleasure to have you join us for tea this afternoon, it's important to hold fast to the early years. Hold them tightly against your chest and embed a memory of I'm so glad we...

On traditions: It's so important to me that Kade has traditions that he can carry with him and eventually pass down to his own family. One tradition we've decided to start is yearly trips to the pumpkin patch followed by costume shopping, pumpkin carving and roasted pumpkin seeds. We had such a good time and it was such a low-key but still stimulating activity. Kade didn't get bored, tired or overwhelmed. We took a break to visit with Uncle Quinn and eat some much deserved pizza after working hard the choose The Perfect Pumpkins.

The best apples are of the home grown, Just Picked variety-

cooled to the perfect temperature by the crisp October air.

Kade has a fascination with anything that has wheels. Trucks, cars, tractors, wagons.. So a tour of the local fire station was on the top of my To Do list. Luckily, they have an annual Fire Prevention Tour. Kade could hardly contain his excitement. He didn't want me to take pictures, he was focused intently on the ladder as they raised it and lowered it all the way back down again. He gave me a look that could kill every time I pulled the camera from the diaper bag and Good God Help Me but I think my one year old just rolled his eyes. I can take a hint. I put the camera away.

They taught us the safe distance to stand away from a fire to roast marshmallows and to always call 911 at a neighbors house if yours happens to be on fire. They served chili and corn bread made by the firefighters themselves. It was a fanciful affair, even Smoky the Bear made an appearance.When we drove away, Kade screamed and cried making little vrooooom sounds between his sobs. My little Wheel Lover, garsh he makes me smile.

 He took his marshmallow roasting very seriously. 

This is Kade's "Mom, did you seriously just ask some random lady to take our picture?" face. 

***


I'd like to introduce you all to a friend of ours. This is Kades alter ego, MonsterBaby. He jumps and crawls around his room just before bed, gnashing his terrible teeth and showing his terrible claws and screeching high pitched animal noises while Mommy kisses his belly button. It is necessary to pin this little monster down and slather his cheeks with lotion as quickly as possible before he wiggles from your hold and leaps across the carpet toward the door. We like when he comes to visit but are relieved when he leaves for the night, returning our sleepy eyed and oh-so-cuddly little Kadertot.

Now, there is a cup of coffee and a magazine calling my name...




 

October the fifth

We had big plans for today: breakfast at great grandmas, Discovery Time and because this is Mommy and Daddy's only day off together, a family trip to the "Punkinaze." We were looking forward to walking Kade through the corn maze, sliding down the hay slide and sitting around the fire. It seemed like the perfect plan to really swing fall into full gear. When we woke up this morning, the sky was dark and hung heavy over the trees like a thick wool blanket. The rain started shortly after, followed by a moment of sunshine- teasing us- only for the clouds to return a few short minutes later. Our 80 degree weather changed unexpectedly into 50 degree weather, prompting hats and warm jackets on our venture to grandma greats house. After breakfast, Kade napped. He slept deep and peaceful and that never happens at grandma greats house so I let him sleep- and by the time he awoke I realized we had missed Discovery Time altogether. I found myself humming.. Rain Rain Go Away, I have too many plans today. You guessed it: we didn't go to the Punkinaze. The ground is soggy and the wind is whipping about the trees, sending yellow leaves flying.  We did what you should always do on a blustery day, when your plans have all fallen through: We put on our hoods and went to a cafe. We sat in cheerful light and ordered hearty food. Kade learned how to drink from a straw and swooned the waiters. They couldn't help but play peek-a-boo with him from behind the bar. I finished my plate- the best pork chops I've ever eaten in my life and laid back, content with the way the evening had turned out. At home, we fulfilled another requirement for a blustery day; an extra long bubble bath, lots of belly kisses and Spooky Old Tree. The house smells like wet cotton and No More Tangles. 


The Perfect Plan For Swinging Fall Into Full Gear:

Advice: If your baby spends an afternoon painting masterpieces and holding them up to you smiling, his eyes beaming Lookit what I made Mama! Frame them. And if the paint dries on his face but he's determined to run off and play, Let Him. What can it hurt?

The moral of the story? Sometimes things fall apart: plans, relationships, quilting projects. It's up to you to have the strength to start over. To decide I Am Not Going To Let This Ruin My Day. Because really, your moments are what you make them. When your trying to embroider a pillow for a little girl whom you've never even met and Good God the floss is a knotted mess again, take a deep breath, drink a diet coke and start over. Because the outcome will be so worth it. (Photos of The Outcome to come soon). Are you catching my drift?

Kade gets it. Oh, and meet The Master of Silly Faces. 

See what I mean? He's the master. 

 *** 

Kade has learned so many new things in the last week! Drinking from a straw, clapping, and he says a new word: Baby. He struggles with the second b sound so it comes out more like Ba-aye. But I know what he's saying and oh Ba-aye it's music to Mama's ears. We've been using these flash cards and they seem to be working!



Wanting to put the cards we're working on where he could see them, and always looking for a reason to put a new idea into Kade's bedroom I came up with this:

 

It was super easy and I love that I don't have to hunt through the box of cards to find the ones we've been studying. 


Happy Wednesday! 

Hot Mama

As most weekends go around here, this last one was definitely interesting. I'll spare you the gritty details and just say that we all suffered from a horrendous stomach flu that left me cleaning carpets and attacking every surface in my house with clorox wipes. While it wasn't a particularly pleasant weekend, Kade is finally feeling back to his normal self and we've been able to relax and spend some time together before I return to work tomorrow night. October holds lots of exciting things for our family: fire station tour, costume parties, sewing extravaganzas and Daddy starting his new job. But, it also holds a time for adjustment on all of our parts. I'm going to be working a great deal of hours, trying to catch up on some bills and prepare for (Gasp!) Christmas Shopping. And Daddy will start working which may mean more sitters for Kade and less one on one time. I know this is going to be a difficult transition for him as he's used to being tended by mainly Mommy or Daddy but I think it will be good for him to spend time with others and break out of his shy little shell. I got to see a glimpse of his social personality today at Discovery Time as he clapped along to songs, bobbed his head and shook his "egg shaker" with the other toddlers. He tossed his head in a fit of laughter, his hair flinging back. He flirted with a four year old who thought he was just the greatest. Every few minutes he would glance back to make sure I was watching. And oh boy, was I ever. I looked at him with such pride and admiration. My baby is growing up. He's playing with big kids and dancing to Jack and Jill. The other kids have two egg shakers, Kade has one. But you can bet your bottom dollar he shook his one egg with more vigor and excitement than any of the other kids combined.

Something about Discovery Time at our local library- I am the younger mother there. I'm the only Mom without a ring on my finger, pulling garments up that have fallen in my haste chase down the aisle after my toddler. I'm wearing jeans and have Are you Red-y? lipstick on my lips. The mothers there are wearing the same yoga pants they've been wearing for three days. Now, you can imagine the looks I get from these mothers. Look at that young mother, running effortlessly after her toddler, not wearing a ring on her finger and where in heavens name did she find the time to put lipstick on? Needless to say, they have trouble striking up a conversation with me. My mother says they're jealous. I say, what is there to be jealous about? I jumped into my jeans in the 10 seconds I had to spare before Kade threw himself to the floor in a fit of rage for the fifth time today and it's only seven a.m. I smeared on my lipstick directed after brushing my teeth in an attempt to feel like I did something for myself today. The mothers at Discovery Time have the same opportunity I have- they just don't take advantage of it. Yes, I had my son at 19 and no I'm not married. But, I'm trying to give him the best life I can. I'm making the best of my situation while they look miserable- using Discovery Time as an excuse to get the bejeezus out of house and let someone else entertain their kids for an hour. I seem to be the only mother up dancing, singing and making a complete fool out of myself while the others might (God Forbid) crack a smile. I say, get dressed up. You're going to the library? Sweet! An opportunity to put on some make up and pull your hair back, dance and read your kid stories in the bright Childrens Section. I double dog dare you to giggle when you get lipstick on his cheeks.

***

This is our "Sick Baby Survival Pack."

Do you see how Chubby my baby is getting? Just look at those delicious little legs.

We've been trying to sit down and have more dinners at a family- to nudge along this attempt, Mommy has even created a Menu for the weeks meals.

***
Kade's room is without a doubt my favorite in the house. That being said, you can imagine that I'm decorating non-stop. Adding things, moving things around, thinking up wild ideas for someday when we have a real house. It makes me Happy.

Fun Fall Post coming soon!

Home is where you are.

Last week in church our pastor and his wife talked about home dynamics. They talked about how our homes appeal to the fives senses. Is the TV on constantly? Is it too dark? Do you sit down as a family for meals? If not dinner, then at least breakfast? This got me thinking a lot about what kind of home I'd like Kade to grow up in. Home should be warm, comfortable, inviting. You're home should show your personality, be filled with your favorite foods, your favorite sounds, your favorite people. When we moved into our apartment just over six months ago, we packed hastily and didn't bother sorting through our junk before hauling it in. We were in a hurry to start our new lives and in doing so brought our old lives with us by mistake. The past few weeks I've been sorting through all the stuff that has accumulated in different areas of the house. With three out of five rooms gutted, reorganized and redecorated, it's finally feeling like Home. My home smells like hot apple cider and "Autumn Sunset." It's filled with colors that are warm on your eyeballs- browns, blues, oranges and smooth latte. We don't even own a TV. The noise level is low with an exception of an outburst of either laughter or tempter tantrum. If my home had a taste, it would be strawberry walnut pancakes and honey. Because that's Kade's favorite food right now and he gets it Everywhere. My home is comfortable. And believe me, if I had more square footage there would be many more chairs and love seats stacked with over-stuffed pillows and books wedged between the cushions. We have a small space, but it's our space. When we get home, Kade squeals with delight and pushes, pushes, pushes on the door while I frantically try to unlock it for him. And that makes all of my hard work worth while.

This is what's been happening in our Home the last few days:

Kade is getting daring, walking along the walls and even letting go sometimes!!






We've spared some time for evening walks on the Parkway.


These feet here? They're getting awful close to walking.

***

Driving down to my CPR class today, I saw from the corner of my eye a flash of orange. I opened my eyes a little wider and realized The Leaves are Changing! Do you know what that means? That means, the fall decorations can finally come out. I haven't been living on my own for many holidays so my collection of festive fall fare was very sad. So, Kade and I went on an adventure across the street to the river. Kade tipped his toes in (with mommy holding on tight, of course) and Mommy found the perfect branch. I tied felt leaves to it and viola!

Now, time for a graveyard shift. But first, a pot of coffee is calling my name!

Happy Fall.

Big Kid Now

Being a mother is like being a kid all over again. I wake up in the morning and immediately start thinking of what delicious sweet thing Mommy will make for breakfast. I imagine all the exciting things we could do in a day: the park, grandmas house, the library, the Parkway, swimming, fort building.. the list is never ending. When nap time comes, I take the opportunity to cool down and sometimes even take a snooze for myself. I find myself drinking more milk than I used to- pouring myself a glass each time I fill Kade's tippy cup. I brush my teeth twice a day without fail, scrubbing away at the "sugar bugs" while Kade makes faces in the mirror. I get excited about Discovery Time at the local library, and after dinner it's my idea to build a giant tent fort in the living room and pretend we're coyotes living in a cave. At bath time when Daddy says its time to get out, I plead, "One more minute! We're having so much fun!" Yes, being a mother is the greatest adventure. It has brought from within me a patient, loving, goofy, caring, giggling little thing- something I have always been but had lost deep within the depths of "the real world." Being a grown-up sucks. I encourage everyone to instead, be a very mature child.

***

I've noticed that Kade's frustration with his right hand has greatly increased over the last few weeks. It's as if he has phantom limbs, he tries picking things up as if he has the fingers to grasp- each time resulting in a look on his face that I can't describe without wanting to cry. He's so determined, he tries over and over again. And I'm so determined to teach him how things might be easier, I try over and over again to redirect him. Look Baby, if you use your left hand, you can grasp the crayon much easier... So, Mommy has come up with some activities to build Kade's fine motor skills. This way, even if he chooses his right hand, my boy will be dang good with it.

I have quite the little artist on my hands- this picture is now in a frame in our living room. I couldn't help it. I'm a very proud Mama.





Mommy builds him a fort but he'd rather get into things.. time for child safety locks! Something I've been saying a lot lately? Busted!!

***

I promise you, I did not give up quilting. I'm just been slow and am accumulating a bunch of unfinished projects which was the one thing I swore I'd never do. The truth is, I made a beautiful quilt for my bedroom. Unfortunately, right now I can't afford to buy the batting or the very large piece of fabric needed for the backing. However, I did make some throw pillows. I had a few fat quarters that I didn't know what to do with, and some pillows that were ugly and needed some sprucing up. The whole thing took me about 15 minutes and I'm so happy with the result! I plan on doing some embroidery work on them, to really make them pop!

Autumn

I suppose I should start this post with an explanation of why it's been so long since my last post.. the short answer is this: bronchitis, a teething baby, a messy house and work.

Moving on.

***

I love September. September is the prequel to pumpkin picking, apple cider and sweaters. September is the encore of evening swims, walks and camping trips. You can have your cake and eat it too. I've been thinking a lot the last week about what I want Kade to get from this autumn. Autumn is really a magical time of year; everything around us is changing. The days are getting shorter, the nights cooler and soon enough the leaves will start changing colors- by far my favorite part of living in Utah. Fall is for the library, for more sit down family dinners, more days spent in the house building tents out of chairs and sheets and jamming to Bob Marley, watching your baby bang a tambourine with exuberance - thanking God under your breath that the elderly woman downstairs is hard of hearing. Fall is perfect for trips to the fabric store. Fantasizing about all the fun pieces you'll make your family for the Holidays, envisioning jackets and pants and big patchwork quilts.

I want Kade to know the magic that is Fall. So, today I went to the store and loaded my cart with all the essentials for long days in the house: play dough, paints, crayons, construction paper, percussion instruments, peg puzzles...

We started off with a Bang. Strawberry Walnut pancakes with milk and eggs instead of water (because my mama says it tastes better), a cap full of lemon juice (because my grandpa insists it makes them fluffy) and a bit of flax seed (because I can't resist). We used honey instead of syrup and Mommy and Kade sat at the table for much longer than necessary- eating slowly and having "small talk." Okay- Mommy did the talking. Kade giggled and nodded and chimed in with a joyous gasp every few words. I've been frustrated with myself when it comes to meal times. Too often, I catch myself setting food in front of Kade and turning around to do the dishes, read a text message or fold the laundry. I'm determined to change that.

They were most certainly the best pancakes I've ever tasted- ever.
Of course, I'm a big pancake person.

Today, we played with chimes and drums and tambourines. We went to church and I introduced Kade to the nursery room.. he was hesitant so I stayed with him but I'm confident that after a few weeks, he'll feel comfortable enough that I can leave him in their care while I go to the chapel for service. My family gathered at my grandma's house for pizza, snuggling of grand babies and of course there were brownies. After a long bubble bath, my baby is crying in the next room. He's screaming his little head off because that top tooth cut through the gums today and the other I expect to be through by morning.. Regardless, we had an amazing day.

***

Because I've been too sick, tired or just plain lazy to blog-
here's what my little family has been up to:

This is my niece, Emberlynn. Kade is extremely jealous of her. I don't have the words in my vocabulary to describe the temper tantrum he threw last time we went to visit her. I guess he's just used to being the center of attention.. But anyway, I adore her.

***

I'm sure that I will be up half the night thinking up fantastic things for me and Kade to do tomorrow... Being a mother is truly the most amazing adventure.