Thanksgiving

"What's the use of a book," thought Alice, "without any pictures or conversations?" 

The Holidays are a great opportunity to sit back and silently observe the great wonders of life. I find myself leaning back in my chair, clasping my hands together and watching closely at the incredible moments that have molded me into the person I am. My grandma, as she scoops Kade up and showers him with adoration. My little brother, determined to maneuver through the wall of dining room chairs to me, to give me a hug and call me "Jecka." The warmth, safety and comfort that is my mother. The way my family can sit together, laughing and openly expressing all the things in this life we are so thankful for. There are places, families, I dare not imagine, who do not get together on the Holidays. There are wounded hearts who argue bitterly; people who dread having to tolerate each other for nay an hour. My family, I imagine, is tied tightly with a bright red ribbon. The warmth of the love we have for one another seems radiate from the dining room candles, warming the whole house, wafting up the stairs and out the windows. The Holiday seemed as any Sunday, surrounded by the laughter and love that my family projects for one another on any given day. I can't express how grateful I am.

I was lucky enough to attend three different Thanksgiving dinners. Each one very different, and each one very special to my heart. The first, a close-knit, very personal affair; football on the television, homemade cranberry sauce (incredible, thanks Quinn!) and sitting cross legged on the couch with a hot plate balanced on my knee. The second, the dinner aforementioned: in the familiar and comforting home of my "gramma." And the third, with my Dad's family. The cousins crowded in the back room, catching up, stuffing ourselves with more pistachio pudding than should be legal, feeding our toddlers spoonfuls of whipping cream.  There was an abundance of babies, as our family is growing. A new generation.

As usual, the theme is a go-with-the-flow, cup half freakin' full, life is beautiful type of deal. 

Let me be real for a minute. I worked a grave yard shift the night before Thanksgiving, went to three dinners and returned to work Thanksgiving night for yet another graveyard- running on no sleep and in the midst of a turkey coma. It was exhausting.  Please assume that amongst all the laughter, love, warmth and happiness that I describe in each post, there is also a cranky baby. There is a small argument, a temper tantrum, a spilled drink, burnt muffins. Life is full of these things, but the point is to move past them. The point in all of this is to focus instead on the happiness and forget the spilled milk. The point is to take life one moment at a time, enjoy it to its fullest, drink up the happiness in two big gulps, leave the unhappy feelings on your plate and move on to the next moment, ready for anything.

In the midst of the Holiday excitement, I got home and realized I hadn't taken one single picture of the days festivities. I could have kicked myself but instead, I pat myself on the back. Yes, because instead of trying to capture every moment, repeating "Kade! Kade! Kade!" and using up most of my time trying to capture a photo of Kade eating turkey, playing with his cousins, kissing his daddy, I lived in the moment. No, I relished in the moment. 

And damn, it felt good. 

Holiday Season Bucket List

If only there was a reasonable explanation for my absence from the blogging world but unfortunately, I can't think of a one. I can think of excuses: I've been sick, I don't have my camera memory card, I haven't had the time, Kade has been clingy and cranky.. But none of these are good excuses. A blog can be written with no pictures, a blog can be written through the sniffles, with a baby in your lap. Here goes.

***

Old Father Winter checked in at 3am and unpacked in the darkness of the deepest night. Upon morning, I was shocked to find trees bare, ice on overpasses and a heavy sky. This is the kind of sky that pushes the very breath from my chest. Perhaps, winter moved in slowly and I wasn't paying attention. It's very possible that while I was focused on my baby and the amazing way in which he's growing, learning, loving that I didn't notice as winter slowly moving in his things. But its certain that its here.


Winter is for snowmen, sweets, turning up the thermostat, slippers, cinnamon coffee, fleece sheets, an extra quilt on the bed. In Utah, specifically, winter is ski season. Winter is trips to Christmas Village, bundled up and staring into small boxes displaying the designers interpretation of the magic of the holidays. All of this is good; So why do I have such a difficult time with winter? Winter leaves me chapped, cold, cranky and stressed to the max. On especially cold days, you can find me huddled over a heater vent with three pairs of socks on and a box of tissues. My nose is raw, my lips are raw, my skin is red and dry. This is reality.

This year, I'm determined to experience winter in a different way. It's been over ten years since I've built a snow man. I've never been skiing and I've lived in Utah my entire life. I don't own a pair of slippers. I see a serious problem here.

Behold, the Winter Bucket List: 

Go sledding.

Have a snowball fight.

Take time to choose meaningful gifts for my loved ones.

Watch A Christmas Story, more than once.

Kiss under the mistletoe.

Build a snowman family.

Roll in the snow before jumping in a hot tub.

Build a bonfire.

Read a classic novel.

Take five naps in one day.

Eat a bigger breakfast than dinner.

Build a fort with blankets and couch pillows and read Christmas stories with a flashlight.

Go caroling.

Learn about a holiday I haven’t celebrated.

Build a jump out of snow and go off it in a sled.

Complete a jigsaw puzzle.

Volunteer.

Call someone I haven’t talked to in a while.

Roast marshmallows in a fireplace.

Wear a bad holiday sweater.

Host a party.

Join the countdown to the New Year.

Make dinner for someone you care about — whether you can cook or not.

 Make sock puppets and put on a puppet show.

 Bundle my baby up and take him to Christmas Village. 

Let Kade stay up extra late eating cookies and waiting for Santa. 

Go to a concert- you know, the kinds where elementary students sing carols off tune?  That kind.

See the Nutcracker.

Bring on the Aquaphor, sunscreen and warm socks. This holiday season will be unlike any other. 

***

Kade and Mommy made these great leaves to hang in our window for thanksgiving! We used coffee filters and Crayola washable paint, cut the filters into leaf shapes and painted away. I love the way the paint bled together and they look so cheerful hanging in our big windows! 

 

Have yourself a happy End Of The Week. 

Do you have a list of things you'd like to do this winter? Please, share!!

Praise and Thanks

A few nights ago, my little family sat in a booth at Daddy's work and gorged ourselves on chicken nuggets, soggy french fries and the calmness of a cold night spent in a warm place. It's always interesting to people watch at a fast food joint, and right in the middle of the dinner rush, there was a hustle and bustle of families with their kids fighting over kids meal toys and standing up in their seats. The parents were frazzled, mostly with looks of I should have just cooked tonight.. on their faces as yet another kiddy sized milk spills across the table. This is typical. But there was one boy in particular who caught my eye. This boy was probably in fourth grade. He was surrounded by five siblings, the only one sitting quiet, his eyes inverted, concentrating hard on peeling the breading from his nuggets. When there was just a moment of quiet amongst the table, he shouted, "Dad! I have all A's in my science class!" I had to smile for him. The excitement on his face was contagious. The father, however, replied with this: "Oh, yeah? And what about all your other classes?" And the boy was dismissed, the conversation picking up where it left off; something about Spy Gear (If you have boys around age 10, you probably know all about aforementioned spy gear). As the boy sank lower and lower into his seat, my heart sank lower and lower in my chest. Should he not be praised? Do his poor grades in some subjects automatically dismiss his obvious triumph over another? I was frustrated for him, wishing to give him a high five and a hug and take him out for ice cream. All A's in Science. I looked over at the boy a few short moments later and noted the way he squinted his eyes, focusing all of his attention on one thing: Lining his french fries up in order from tallest to shortest on a yellow napkin, making certain the bottoms all lined up perfectly to the bottom. I thought of my brother, diagnosed with Aspergers the beginning of this year. When a young person has Aspergers, they often don't understand the written language. Maybe this boys science grade was so fantastic because he understood science. It's all facts; everything has an explanation. Maybe, his other grades were falling because he doesn't have the ability to understand them. Maybe, like Bracn, his brain simply doesn't function that way. This made my heart hurt more, thinking of how confused and saddened he must be by his Dad's quick disapproval. I turned to him, and whispered over my shoulder "All A's in science? That's amazing. I never could get the hang of science." And I winked at him. Perhaps this was out of line. It made it pretty obvious that I had been eavesdropping and after I turned back towards my own food, my own table, my own life, I could feel the father's eyes boring into the back of my skull. But the smile on that little boys face, the way he attempted to wink back, never quite making eye contact, made it all worth while.

I went home with a new outlook- I've always thought Praise was important, but I never thought about the damage the lack of praise could have on a person.

It's important to praise your children, even for the little things. Because to them, those little things are big things.

We need to not only praise our kids, but teach them praise as well. Praise for their siblings, their teachers, their peers. Mrs.Smith, you know just the way to explain math in a way I can easily understand. Thank you. 

Baby Cakes, have I told you lately how much I love that you finish your breakfast? You eat every thing on your plate and give me a giant "Thank You Mama" smile afterwards. It melts me.

 

 

I love how determined you are to help Mommy out around the house. You know how to fold laundry like a pro, and organize the dishwasher just right.

And in the bath? You're so good at washing your face and helping Mommy rub the soap into your hair. 

You're an amazing artist.
You're a fantastic dancer.
You're the worlds best story teller.
You're my favorite cuddle buddy.
You're a pro at helping mommy put toys back in the basket.
Your hugs and kisses are top notch.
You're simply outstanding.

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.

November, Be Kind

October Delivered. Home-grown apples, pumpkin patches, leaf piles, warm sweaters, story books, Moose Slippers and of course trick or treating have all been checked off our list of "I wish I had." In true Hallows Eve fashion, there was chili. There were bread bowls, M&Ms, babies bundled up in pumpkin costumes, dogs barking and of course that house- you know, the one that gives out soda pop- full size soda pop. Kade was a natural at trick or treating. He giggled and balled his fists up in excitement, pushing on the door when the owner didn't open it up fast enough and attempting to take the whole bowl instead of just one piece from the selection. He was frightened only once, by a strobe light on the porch of a not-so-scary lady handing out Starbursts. It was fantastic. And as if Mother Nature is on a very tight schedule, there is Snow in tomorrows forecast. It's as if she was watching closely, waiting for the last trick or treater to get home safely and having her little snow troops waiting for their ques. Tomorrow is November, it's time. Am I prepared? I like to think so- but every year, as I'm scraping a foot of snow from my windshield and truly believing I have freaking frost bite on my LUNGS- I find myself thinking only one thing: I'm so not ready for this. Only time, and a few snow storms, will tell.

*** 

 

 

I think Kade needs to be in a Chapstick commercial. What do you think? 

November? Bring It On.   

Nostalgia

A cold front is lurking. Witchstock, Blueberry Muffins, Moose Slippers and warm Elmo Jammies have been subtle reminders that not only has fall sneaked in the back door but winter is on its way- right around the corner.

This time of year leaves me nostalgic, yearning for warm and quiet darkness. If I didn't have responsibilities, you might find me in my bed huddled under a chenille blanket and going on my 16th hour of sleep. I'm talking about the kind of sleep that I experienced in high school; the type that drifts in and out, leaving you struggling to differentiate reality from dream and day from night. This time of year also reminds me of the smell of a laundry mat. The warm cotton smell that lingered in my nostrils as I sipped coffee and read Young Frankenstein in the corner of the 24 Hour Wash; being eaten alive by mosquito's. A friend and I used to huddle in the corner with our knees pulled up close to our chests, comparing itchy bites and making up life stories for the people we saw there. See that girl? he would whisper, and go on about her life as an orphan, a doctor, an anthropologist. Another friend would join us, throwing down her bag and slumping into the booth across from us, rolling her eyes; That dryer seriously takes forever.  These are blurry memories. I see them more as a movie than as if I were actually there. I see myself rubbing my eyes, twisting my hands together, trying to bring warmth to the pale and shaking fingers that I hardly recognized anymore. I see myself take a long slurping sip from my coffee, burning the taste buds from my tongue; the scratchy feeling that stayed in my mouth for hours later.

These memories are sad and sodden in carelessness.
It's time to replace those memories with new ones- happy, warm and golden memories.


For example:

 

 Kade has grown quite fond of his cousin. He's just fascinated with her. 

 

***

WitchStock in Ogden: lots of women dancing around historic 25th street, peeking into bars and cackling to their hearts content.This is our time to be silly, to get together as Grandma, Mom, Daughter, Sister and Friend. To laugh, to catch up, to tease, to tell stories... something I look forward to all year.

Grandma always has the best "scary green witch" costume. And her cackle? Top Notch. 

***

Make yourself a big ol' list of memories; the good kind.

Preventable vs Inevitable

Today, I felt a familiar stir in the pit of my stomach.. the fear of "I wish I had" loomed just over my head and left me feeling inept and weary. I wish I had gone to the prayer service tonight, our pastor posted a picture of many empty seats and it left my heart aching a little. I wish I had sat with Kade during breakfast instead of trying to get some dishes done and talking to him over my shoulder. I wish I had taken him to the library today like I told him I would- regardless of whether he understood what I was telling him or not. I don't want to send Kade off to college with a heavy heart full of "I wish I had." Now, I wish I hadn't is inevitable. But the former is preventable. Today, we chased away the demon of I wish I had taken Kade to the fire station. And Saturday? I wish I had taken Kade to the pumpkin patch was snuffed out. I want Kade to play sports, to play musical instruments, to stay up late to watch fireworks, to take such long bubble baths that his toes get pruned like raisins and then? Warm up the water and let him have at it, again. I want him to bang pots and pans on new years, taste great grandpas "stinky cheese" on Christmas and follow powder sugar footprints across the driveway on Easter morning. Childhood should be whimsical, free and sometimes messy. It's important to sometimes forgo the bath and put your baby in bed with a belly full of pumpkin bread and paint in his hair; happy, full and snuggled with a sock monkey. The sometimes is also important. I love the routine we've fallen into: pancakes breakfasts, afternoon walks, bedtime baths, cuddle puddles and story time. I love the smell of our house around eight pm: no more tangles, warm bath water and humidifier oils. While these are beautiful rituals that I hope Kade will cherish forever, I hope he remembers the days we strayed from the track. The day we stayed up until ten pm making cupcakes and doing laundry, the way I let him help me fold my jeans even though I cringed; knowing he must still have orange frosting on him somewhere. I don't want him to grow up and tell me Mom, I wish we had... 

It may happen anyway, but you can bet your bottom nickle I'm going to fight it. I can't stress enough the importance of being a Child. Childhood does not mean hours on end spent in front of a television. It means building forts and escaping to the far off land of Gooberdale. It means playing dress up, having tea parties with finger puppets, digging for hidden "treasure" along the river bank and marching around Target wearing a newspaper hat and mismatched socks. Once childhood is gone, you don't get it back. And while it's important to teach life lessons, and manners Mr.Fox, it was such a pleasure to have you join us for tea this afternoon, it's important to hold fast to the early years. Hold them tightly against your chest and embed a memory of I'm so glad we...

On traditions: It's so important to me that Kade has traditions that he can carry with him and eventually pass down to his own family. One tradition we've decided to start is yearly trips to the pumpkin patch followed by costume shopping, pumpkin carving and roasted pumpkin seeds. We had such a good time and it was such a low-key but still stimulating activity. Kade didn't get bored, tired or overwhelmed. We took a break to visit with Uncle Quinn and eat some much deserved pizza after working hard the choose The Perfect Pumpkins.

The best apples are of the home grown, Just Picked variety-

cooled to the perfect temperature by the crisp October air.

Kade has a fascination with anything that has wheels. Trucks, cars, tractors, wagons.. So a tour of the local fire station was on the top of my To Do list. Luckily, they have an annual Fire Prevention Tour. Kade could hardly contain his excitement. He didn't want me to take pictures, he was focused intently on the ladder as they raised it and lowered it all the way back down again. He gave me a look that could kill every time I pulled the camera from the diaper bag and Good God Help Me but I think my one year old just rolled his eyes. I can take a hint. I put the camera away.

They taught us the safe distance to stand away from a fire to roast marshmallows and to always call 911 at a neighbors house if yours happens to be on fire. They served chili and corn bread made by the firefighters themselves. It was a fanciful affair, even Smoky the Bear made an appearance.When we drove away, Kade screamed and cried making little vrooooom sounds between his sobs. My little Wheel Lover, garsh he makes me smile.

 He took his marshmallow roasting very seriously. 

This is Kade's "Mom, did you seriously just ask some random lady to take our picture?" face. 

***


I'd like to introduce you all to a friend of ours. This is Kades alter ego, MonsterBaby. He jumps and crawls around his room just before bed, gnashing his terrible teeth and showing his terrible claws and screeching high pitched animal noises while Mommy kisses his belly button. It is necessary to pin this little monster down and slather his cheeks with lotion as quickly as possible before he wiggles from your hold and leaps across the carpet toward the door. We like when he comes to visit but are relieved when he leaves for the night, returning our sleepy eyed and oh-so-cuddly little Kadertot.

Now, there is a cup of coffee and a magazine calling my name...




 

October the fifth

We had big plans for today: breakfast at great grandmas, Discovery Time and because this is Mommy and Daddy's only day off together, a family trip to the "Punkinaze." We were looking forward to walking Kade through the corn maze, sliding down the hay slide and sitting around the fire. It seemed like the perfect plan to really swing fall into full gear. When we woke up this morning, the sky was dark and hung heavy over the trees like a thick wool blanket. The rain started shortly after, followed by a moment of sunshine- teasing us- only for the clouds to return a few short minutes later. Our 80 degree weather changed unexpectedly into 50 degree weather, prompting hats and warm jackets on our venture to grandma greats house. After breakfast, Kade napped. He slept deep and peaceful and that never happens at grandma greats house so I let him sleep- and by the time he awoke I realized we had missed Discovery Time altogether. I found myself humming.. Rain Rain Go Away, I have too many plans today. You guessed it: we didn't go to the Punkinaze. The ground is soggy and the wind is whipping about the trees, sending yellow leaves flying.  We did what you should always do on a blustery day, when your plans have all fallen through: We put on our hoods and went to a cafe. We sat in cheerful light and ordered hearty food. Kade learned how to drink from a straw and swooned the waiters. They couldn't help but play peek-a-boo with him from behind the bar. I finished my plate- the best pork chops I've ever eaten in my life and laid back, content with the way the evening had turned out. At home, we fulfilled another requirement for a blustery day; an extra long bubble bath, lots of belly kisses and Spooky Old Tree. The house smells like wet cotton and No More Tangles. 


The Perfect Plan For Swinging Fall Into Full Gear:

Advice: If your baby spends an afternoon painting masterpieces and holding them up to you smiling, his eyes beaming Lookit what I made Mama! Frame them. And if the paint dries on his face but he's determined to run off and play, Let Him. What can it hurt?

The moral of the story? Sometimes things fall apart: plans, relationships, quilting projects. It's up to you to have the strength to start over. To decide I Am Not Going To Let This Ruin My Day. Because really, your moments are what you make them. When your trying to embroider a pillow for a little girl whom you've never even met and Good God the floss is a knotted mess again, take a deep breath, drink a diet coke and start over. Because the outcome will be so worth it. (Photos of The Outcome to come soon). Are you catching my drift?

Kade gets it. Oh, and meet The Master of Silly Faces. 

See what I mean? He's the master. 

 *** 

Kade has learned so many new things in the last week! Drinking from a straw, clapping, and he says a new word: Baby. He struggles with the second b sound so it comes out more like Ba-aye. But I know what he's saying and oh Ba-aye it's music to Mama's ears. We've been using these flash cards and they seem to be working!



Wanting to put the cards we're working on where he could see them, and always looking for a reason to put a new idea into Kade's bedroom I came up with this:

 

It was super easy and I love that I don't have to hunt through the box of cards to find the ones we've been studying. 


Happy Wednesday!