Hot Mama

As most weekends go around here, this last one was definitely interesting. I'll spare you the gritty details and just say that we all suffered from a horrendous stomach flu that left me cleaning carpets and attacking every surface in my house with clorox wipes. While it wasn't a particularly pleasant weekend, Kade is finally feeling back to his normal self and we've been able to relax and spend some time together before I return to work tomorrow night. October holds lots of exciting things for our family: fire station tour, costume parties, sewing extravaganzas and Daddy starting his new job. But, it also holds a time for adjustment on all of our parts. I'm going to be working a great deal of hours, trying to catch up on some bills and prepare for (Gasp!) Christmas Shopping. And Daddy will start working which may mean more sitters for Kade and less one on one time. I know this is going to be a difficult transition for him as he's used to being tended by mainly Mommy or Daddy but I think it will be good for him to spend time with others and break out of his shy little shell. I got to see a glimpse of his social personality today at Discovery Time as he clapped along to songs, bobbed his head and shook his "egg shaker" with the other toddlers. He tossed his head in a fit of laughter, his hair flinging back. He flirted with a four year old who thought he was just the greatest. Every few minutes he would glance back to make sure I was watching. And oh boy, was I ever. I looked at him with such pride and admiration. My baby is growing up. He's playing with big kids and dancing to Jack and Jill. The other kids have two egg shakers, Kade has one. But you can bet your bottom dollar he shook his one egg with more vigor and excitement than any of the other kids combined.

Something about Discovery Time at our local library- I am the younger mother there. I'm the only Mom without a ring on my finger, pulling garments up that have fallen in my haste chase down the aisle after my toddler. I'm wearing jeans and have Are you Red-y? lipstick on my lips. The mothers there are wearing the same yoga pants they've been wearing for three days. Now, you can imagine the looks I get from these mothers. Look at that young mother, running effortlessly after her toddler, not wearing a ring on her finger and where in heavens name did she find the time to put lipstick on? Needless to say, they have trouble striking up a conversation with me. My mother says they're jealous. I say, what is there to be jealous about? I jumped into my jeans in the 10 seconds I had to spare before Kade threw himself to the floor in a fit of rage for the fifth time today and it's only seven a.m. I smeared on my lipstick directed after brushing my teeth in an attempt to feel like I did something for myself today. The mothers at Discovery Time have the same opportunity I have- they just don't take advantage of it. Yes, I had my son at 19 and no I'm not married. But, I'm trying to give him the best life I can. I'm making the best of my situation while they look miserable- using Discovery Time as an excuse to get the bejeezus out of house and let someone else entertain their kids for an hour. I seem to be the only mother up dancing, singing and making a complete fool out of myself while the others might (God Forbid) crack a smile. I say, get dressed up. You're going to the library? Sweet! An opportunity to put on some make up and pull your hair back, dance and read your kid stories in the bright Childrens Section. I double dog dare you to giggle when you get lipstick on his cheeks.

***

This is our "Sick Baby Survival Pack."

Do you see how Chubby my baby is getting? Just look at those delicious little legs.

We've been trying to sit down and have more dinners at a family- to nudge along this attempt, Mommy has even created a Menu for the weeks meals.

***
Kade's room is without a doubt my favorite in the house. That being said, you can imagine that I'm decorating non-stop. Adding things, moving things around, thinking up wild ideas for someday when we have a real house. It makes me Happy.

Fun Fall Post coming soon!

Home is where you are.

Last week in church our pastor and his wife talked about home dynamics. They talked about how our homes appeal to the fives senses. Is the TV on constantly? Is it too dark? Do you sit down as a family for meals? If not dinner, then at least breakfast? This got me thinking a lot about what kind of home I'd like Kade to grow up in. Home should be warm, comfortable, inviting. You're home should show your personality, be filled with your favorite foods, your favorite sounds, your favorite people. When we moved into our apartment just over six months ago, we packed hastily and didn't bother sorting through our junk before hauling it in. We were in a hurry to start our new lives and in doing so brought our old lives with us by mistake. The past few weeks I've been sorting through all the stuff that has accumulated in different areas of the house. With three out of five rooms gutted, reorganized and redecorated, it's finally feeling like Home. My home smells like hot apple cider and "Autumn Sunset." It's filled with colors that are warm on your eyeballs- browns, blues, oranges and smooth latte. We don't even own a TV. The noise level is low with an exception of an outburst of either laughter or tempter tantrum. If my home had a taste, it would be strawberry walnut pancakes and honey. Because that's Kade's favorite food right now and he gets it Everywhere. My home is comfortable. And believe me, if I had more square footage there would be many more chairs and love seats stacked with over-stuffed pillows and books wedged between the cushions. We have a small space, but it's our space. When we get home, Kade squeals with delight and pushes, pushes, pushes on the door while I frantically try to unlock it for him. And that makes all of my hard work worth while.

This is what's been happening in our Home the last few days:

Kade is getting daring, walking along the walls and even letting go sometimes!!






We've spared some time for evening walks on the Parkway.


These feet here? They're getting awful close to walking.

***

Driving down to my CPR class today, I saw from the corner of my eye a flash of orange. I opened my eyes a little wider and realized The Leaves are Changing! Do you know what that means? That means, the fall decorations can finally come out. I haven't been living on my own for many holidays so my collection of festive fall fare was very sad. So, Kade and I went on an adventure across the street to the river. Kade tipped his toes in (with mommy holding on tight, of course) and Mommy found the perfect branch. I tied felt leaves to it and viola!

Now, time for a graveyard shift. But first, a pot of coffee is calling my name!

Happy Fall.

Big Kid Now

Being a mother is like being a kid all over again. I wake up in the morning and immediately start thinking of what delicious sweet thing Mommy will make for breakfast. I imagine all the exciting things we could do in a day: the park, grandmas house, the library, the Parkway, swimming, fort building.. the list is never ending. When nap time comes, I take the opportunity to cool down and sometimes even take a snooze for myself. I find myself drinking more milk than I used to- pouring myself a glass each time I fill Kade's tippy cup. I brush my teeth twice a day without fail, scrubbing away at the "sugar bugs" while Kade makes faces in the mirror. I get excited about Discovery Time at the local library, and after dinner it's my idea to build a giant tent fort in the living room and pretend we're coyotes living in a cave. At bath time when Daddy says its time to get out, I plead, "One more minute! We're having so much fun!" Yes, being a mother is the greatest adventure. It has brought from within me a patient, loving, goofy, caring, giggling little thing- something I have always been but had lost deep within the depths of "the real world." Being a grown-up sucks. I encourage everyone to instead, be a very mature child.

***

I've noticed that Kade's frustration with his right hand has greatly increased over the last few weeks. It's as if he has phantom limbs, he tries picking things up as if he has the fingers to grasp- each time resulting in a look on his face that I can't describe without wanting to cry. He's so determined, he tries over and over again. And I'm so determined to teach him how things might be easier, I try over and over again to redirect him. Look Baby, if you use your left hand, you can grasp the crayon much easier... So, Mommy has come up with some activities to build Kade's fine motor skills. This way, even if he chooses his right hand, my boy will be dang good with it.

I have quite the little artist on my hands- this picture is now in a frame in our living room. I couldn't help it. I'm a very proud Mama.





Mommy builds him a fort but he'd rather get into things.. time for child safety locks! Something I've been saying a lot lately? Busted!!

***

I promise you, I did not give up quilting. I'm just been slow and am accumulating a bunch of unfinished projects which was the one thing I swore I'd never do. The truth is, I made a beautiful quilt for my bedroom. Unfortunately, right now I can't afford to buy the batting or the very large piece of fabric needed for the backing. However, I did make some throw pillows. I had a few fat quarters that I didn't know what to do with, and some pillows that were ugly and needed some sprucing up. The whole thing took me about 15 minutes and I'm so happy with the result! I plan on doing some embroidery work on them, to really make them pop!

Autumn

I suppose I should start this post with an explanation of why it's been so long since my last post.. the short answer is this: bronchitis, a teething baby, a messy house and work.

Moving on.

***

I love September. September is the prequel to pumpkin picking, apple cider and sweaters. September is the encore of evening swims, walks and camping trips. You can have your cake and eat it too. I've been thinking a lot the last week about what I want Kade to get from this autumn. Autumn is really a magical time of year; everything around us is changing. The days are getting shorter, the nights cooler and soon enough the leaves will start changing colors- by far my favorite part of living in Utah. Fall is for the library, for more sit down family dinners, more days spent in the house building tents out of chairs and sheets and jamming to Bob Marley, watching your baby bang a tambourine with exuberance - thanking God under your breath that the elderly woman downstairs is hard of hearing. Fall is perfect for trips to the fabric store. Fantasizing about all the fun pieces you'll make your family for the Holidays, envisioning jackets and pants and big patchwork quilts.

I want Kade to know the magic that is Fall. So, today I went to the store and loaded my cart with all the essentials for long days in the house: play dough, paints, crayons, construction paper, percussion instruments, peg puzzles...

We started off with a Bang. Strawberry Walnut pancakes with milk and eggs instead of water (because my mama says it tastes better), a cap full of lemon juice (because my grandpa insists it makes them fluffy) and a bit of flax seed (because I can't resist). We used honey instead of syrup and Mommy and Kade sat at the table for much longer than necessary- eating slowly and having "small talk." Okay- Mommy did the talking. Kade giggled and nodded and chimed in with a joyous gasp every few words. I've been frustrated with myself when it comes to meal times. Too often, I catch myself setting food in front of Kade and turning around to do the dishes, read a text message or fold the laundry. I'm determined to change that.

They were most certainly the best pancakes I've ever tasted- ever.
Of course, I'm a big pancake person.

Today, we played with chimes and drums and tambourines. We went to church and I introduced Kade to the nursery room.. he was hesitant so I stayed with him but I'm confident that after a few weeks, he'll feel comfortable enough that I can leave him in their care while I go to the chapel for service. My family gathered at my grandma's house for pizza, snuggling of grand babies and of course there were brownies. After a long bubble bath, my baby is crying in the next room. He's screaming his little head off because that top tooth cut through the gums today and the other I expect to be through by morning.. Regardless, we had an amazing day.

***

Because I've been too sick, tired or just plain lazy to blog-
here's what my little family has been up to:

This is my niece, Emberlynn. Kade is extremely jealous of her. I don't have the words in my vocabulary to describe the temper tantrum he threw last time we went to visit her. I guess he's just used to being the center of attention.. But anyway, I adore her.

***

I'm sure that I will be up half the night thinking up fantastic things for me and Kade to do tomorrow... Being a mother is truly the most amazing adventure.

Bravo, Summer

Just as I start thinking I'm ready for fall, summer shows its pearly whites. It replies, a whisper, oh yeah? and puts me under its hazy, humid spell again. Today was a lazy, yet productive day. The bed was made, it was chocolate-chip-pancake-day and Mommy hauled a sweaty baby from college to high school gathering transcripts for my Weber State financial aid application. Kade was very patient with me, milk dribbled from his mouth and he hummed and bounced while the counselor stamped the envelopes. He helped me dig out two dollars in change from my wallet and used his charm to convince my high school adviser to give him a sucker. I discovered the wonder that is the Public Library. Kade was overwhelmed with curiosity. I plopped him down and let him explore the childrens section, where he pulled himself up on the shelves and turned his head sideways as if he were actually reading the titles. I live for these quiet moments with my baby- just Kade and Mommy having a lazy summer adventure, spread out on the library floor as if we were at home. Grazing through titles like "The Sea of Bath" and "Olivia."

The evening summoned a quick trip to the grocery store, and a leisurely swim in the pool. The first time we took Kade swimming, he was very hesitant. The next time he was in water, he screamed with all his might and flailed away from every splash. This time, he laughed; he was in hysterics. All of a sudden my timid water baby was splashing, squealing and bouncing. He got his face wet, he kicked his feet. His hands were wrinkled- deep lines like canyons dancing across his little fingers. And I found myself thinking: Wait a little while fall, I'm enjoying this..

Bravo Summer. Bravo.

Taggart

Today, running on no sleep in over 24 hours and a chest cold, I endured the most frustrating car ride of my life. Morgan is further away than I had anticipated. much further. But I was desperate for some time with my family and a day out of my apartment and the absolutely appalling state in which it is in (more on that soon). I knew the drive would be long- Morgan is in the Uintah Mountains, about 30 miles south east of Ogden- but I wasn't expecting the construction, missing my exit (Next Exit: 11 Miles), or the semi-truck driver going 20 under the speed limit and braking unexpectedly every two minutes on a single lane road. I got lost. My car doesn't have air conditioning and Kade was screaming in the back seat- clearly miserable. The air blowing through the open windows agitated his ear infection and it was hotter than heck in the Tercel. After missing my exit, I was forced to continue through the canyon to the thriving metropolis of Taggart. Taggart consists of a restaurant. Seriously, that's it. I'm pretty sure their population is something like 14. When I was young, my dad took us camping. Every single year when we drove passed Taggart he would exclaim excitedly: The Thriving Metropolis Of Taggart!! And my sister and I would oohh and aahh out the window, unsure of what we were supposed to be looking at. Little did we know... This also reminded me of my Dad because several years ago, when my then step-mom was pregnant, she wanted to name the baby Taggart. My Dad protested, curtly giving his explanation while trying to hold back the laughter: If we name him Taggart, they will call him Tag for short. Can you imagine him playing at school? Tag! Your it! This is the part where my dad slaps his knee, hysteric at his own joke No, I'm not!!!!

When I finally pulled up to the house and got out of the car, I announced: I'm moving in! There is no way in hell I'm driving home. Lucky for me, I have an amazing family who doesn't have to say a thing to put me in a relaxed, easy going mood. A hugging, coffee drinking, lets-go-pet-the-horses and would-you-like-a-push-pop? kind of folk. Golly, I'm lucky to have them. A cold diet coke for me, and lots of smiles and loves for Kade and we had almost forgotten out misery in the car.

I should explain my lack of pictures: I forgot my camera.

During my long journey to my aunts beautiful house, where Kade got to pet horses, eat a push pop for the first time, cuddle with my grandpa on the swing.. I realized I had forgotten the camera. Go me. I swear, I will be visiting The Middle Of Freaking No Where again very soon- and there will be an abundance of pictures portraying a grinning baby with a green mustache petting a horse named Dewy.

***

Kade has to feed himself now. Mommy isn't allowed to help. It looks something like this:



But, Mommy doesn't mind. He's just too darn cute.

Time for a hot cup of chamomile tea and a long nights sleep before my 11 hour work shift tomorrow.


Happy Monday.

The last week has been an emotional roller coaster. I suddenly found myself diving into the deep, dark pool that is single motherhood. Things were said that cannot be taken back. Trust was broken and is yet to be restored. I caught myself thinking This is not fixable. Because the honest truth is this: I didn't want to fix it. I'd had enough. My life spun into a hurricane of hurt feelings and public humiliation- neither of which I was willing to forgive at any given time. We both needed to place the blame for our failed relationship. I was suffocating. I wanted a warm bed to myself, without expectation or the cold shoulder. I wanted to recuperate. I needed to buy myself flowers and sleep with a hot rice pack against my chest- like nursing a sports injury. Somewhere in the middle of this relationship, I had lost myself. I was digging frantically at what was left over; searching for some hint that I was still there somewhere. It's ugly. This is personal information, the type that many may not post on their blog for the world to see. But if I sat down tonight and wrote a blog cheerfully exclaiming Hey everyone! Everything is beautiful and we had ice cream for dinner! I would be lying to you all. And lying, I've come to learn through all of this, is never the solution. It is not a go-to method of coping. I'd like to say the issue is completely resolved but unfortunately that would be a lie itself. At the moment, we are communicating. We've said our apologies. We've each picked something we're going to work on within ourselves- because God knows we aren't nearly perfect.
Only Time Will Tell.

***

Everything is beautiful.
And we had ice cream for dinner.

I'm the type of mom who strips Kade down if we're eating something messy for dinner. I often cringe when he dribbles something gooey onto his fingers are proceeds to rub it in his hair. I'm the type of mom who carries Wet Ones everywhere we go because sticky fingers are a No-No on a silk tank top. This is ridiculous. Kids are supposed to get messy- its how they learn. Ice cream is cold. When it dries, its sticky. It turns your tongue colors. And when you put it in mommy's hair, its funny.

I have a niece now. Her name is Emberlynn Melodie; She was born on August 21st 2011 at 11:46 pm. She took 21 hours to get here, four days past her due date. But she is well worth the wait.

Everything else is as it should be.
School has started- another sign we can't ignore that summer is dwindling.

***

Happy Tuesday.