The Great Compromise

In the winter it's a big thing around these parts to stuff your entire family into your car and ride around spying out extraordinary Christmas light displays. Most everyone does this- bundled up and sipping hot chocolate and oohing and awing at the twinkling lights. I do something similiar in the summer- much less known and that makes it even better. Side walk chalk. If you put your baby in a stroller and walk around the neighborhood on a cool spring evening, you will giggle and nod at the sloppy art on peoples drive ways. Things like "Samantha Rocks! no she doesn't'' and other sayings and pictures jump out at you in green, blue, pink and white (the usual colors for a  box of chalk). Kade and Mommy have been going on a walk almost every day before bed. We take a bath, brush his teeth and cover him in a blanket, usually with moose slippers sticking out the bottom. The rhythm of my quick footsteps and the gentle March breeze lull Kade into a Spring Coma. By the time we get home he's relaxed and actually reaches for his bed, his hair dried and his eyes heavy.

I'm stressed to the max. My nerves are fried and my knees ache. My head is fuzzy in the morning and by bedtime I'm ready to sit down and cry. But there are, of course, beautiful moments of serene clarity. That's the Great Compromise. It's just a part of life. You can't have shadows without light. No laughter until you've cried. No hello without goodbye. I look around me and I see people taking for granted the blessings God has so graciously given them. I'll admit, I resent them. They have all they need and little responsibility and they're complaining. I'm working my butt off; when I get a perk, I celebrate. When things are hard, I try to concentrate on the upside. Life isn't fair. It's not supposed to be fair. You're going to have trials and heart ache and moments when you want to throw your hands up in the air- a huge gesture of I freaking give up. I've said over and over God doesn't give us what we can't handle. And I believe that with my whole heart. I just wish others could see that truth as clearly as I do.

Okay, off my soap box and on to some adorable pictures of my son.
I know that's really why some of you are here.

One of Kade's favorite places on earth is the book store. We spent over an hour there in our jammies on two different occasions last week. He has a knack for picking Used books. That means Mama digs up the change from her purse and Ta-Da! My baby is in the back seat babbling, "reading" me the book the whole drive home. A new book is something to celebrate. Especially when it only cost two dollars.

 

Another favorite is being outside. If the weather is nice (which it has been), you can't keep this kid indoors. He even eats sitting on the floor beside the sliding glass door- as close to the outside as he can get.

Earlier today, I was a point of total exhaustion. I needed a break. I wanted coffee with a friend, a long bubble bath, a full nights sleep, a freakin' pedicure cause God knows I need one. I thought this isn't fair. I resent Kade's dad for not having this problem- if he wants to go on a run, he can go on a run. Without taking the stroller and a cranky baby along with him. If he wants to sleep in until noon, he has that freedom. But I have to remind myself: there's something he doesn't have. He doesn't have my strength, my patience, my dedication, my appreciation for the blessings I have. He doesn't have the positive attitude I have, hasn't learned the incredible lessons I've learned. Really, I'm the lucky one.Things are hard but there's a silver lining. As with everything, there is a hidden beauty, a raw lesson of integrity. I'm still learning.